Last night, was a ton of fun, but I was ready for the day today. I knew that we had some interesting lessons planned and I was ready to continue to live in the moments I have with MedEx.
College Failures
We started off the day with a lecture on failing in college. This was, while sad, very interesting to hear. The number one reason for people to drop out of college finances. One of the other main reasons why people drop out was being unprepared for coursework and studying. These are the things that I am afraid of going into college. I have never really had to study for school, so I worry that I will struggle to get into the habit. I know that I will have issues, but I hope that I will be able to find a strategy and I know that I will have people there to help me through it. I also know that I will rely on scholarships to get through college and I don't want to lose any scholarships I get. As Austin said, "Please become financially driven." I know that, even if I have to take out loans, I will make it through college, but I still worry about having to take out too many loans and being drowned in debt when I get out. I feel like that thought is pushing me to choose a higher-paying major or job, even if I don't enjoy it, just to be able to pay for college (and to buy a grand piano,,ually). I just need to remember what my mom always says, "G-d is going to take you where you're meant to go." If that means that I need to take out loans to go to college, or need to take an unconventional route to get there, then I will do it. I know I want to do medicine and even though I'm not quite sure of what I want to specifically do, I do know what I don't want to do. I don't want to be miserable. No matter what, I just need to trust that someone will be there for me to help me through my failures, achievements, and milestones.
Situational Awareness
We also had a lecture on sexual harassment. While I had heard the sexual harassment speech a hundred times at school, one thing that stood out to me in this lecture was situational awareness. I am not always aware of my surroundings and that has come back to haunt me on multiple occasions. I feel as though there are instances where I am more aware than others. For instance, when I am driving or being a passenger in a car, I am extremely aware of the cars around me, traffic, signs, and road conditions. I try to stay as focused as I can on what is happening. Last year, my best friend was driving her and her sister home from school when she went to turn and hit another car. Both my friend and her sister had burns on their arms from the airbags and I saw just how much it scared them both. A few months later, another one of my friends got into an accident. This one was not as bad for my friend(as she drives a jeep), but the other car was totaled. I have never been in an accident and I would like to keep it that way as long as possible, so I stay focused on the road and I know I will be even more attentive once I start riding my motorcycle. However, when I am at school, I am less aware of my surroundings. In middle school, we used to joke because I would walk down the hallways and seem to walk through almost every single fight without noticing until I had gone past it. I tried to be more aware because my assistant principal at my middle school would always come to me to ask if I had seen what happened either in a fight or in any other situation (probably because I am a teacher's daughter). Most of the time I didn't know anything but names and faces, but over time I was able to start noticing the why behind the madness. However, now that I am in high school, I am kind of a mix of aware and non-aware. I hate to say it, but people my age scare me (at least at my school), so I always try to stay aware of who is in the hallway with me or what crowd I am walking into. However, at the same time, I try to ignore a lot of things that happen in school (especially the vaping). I don't want to get caught up in it so I try to pretend like I don't know it's happening. In these instances, I still feel as though I should be MORE aware. I never know when I may get caught in a situation (hopefully nothing terrible) where I will need to know what is going on in my surroundings. I may need to pay attention to just simply figure out where I am or where to go. It is a skill that I truly believe I should work on, so I'd like to try to put it into practice. If I am in a crowded area, I am going to just try to look around and figure out what is there. Over time, I know that I will begin to see more details, but for now, we will start small: exits, emergency equipment, and hazards.
Quote of the Day
“Fear is good. It means you care. And caring is its own kind of magic. One just as powerful as any dao I can weave.” - Natasha Ngan, Girls of Storm and Shadow
Final Thoughts
I have no complaints today (I rarely do anyways), but I'm glad the day is over...only because tomorrow is my birthday. I have a lot to reflex on and think about tonight. I just hope that I get some sleep and don't stay up too late. I truly believe that the first key point of success is to believe in yourself, so even though I am scared of failing in college, I believe that I can make it through. As a final piece of my reflection, I'd like to remember this saying "לא משנה כמה תתקדם באיטיות, העיקר שאינך עוצר" (It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop). I know that even if I must take a Netiv Musel (winding path), I will eventually get through everything and I will never ever stop going. I can't wait for day fifteen. I give day fourteen 5 out of 5 stars.
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